Just like the name of the blog, weirdo and her words, this piece/diary entry/thought will probably showcase that name and remove all doubt or confusion as to why I chose that in the first place when joining Tumblr. If you look up ‘weirdo’ in the dictionary, or for instance type in Google ‘weirdo definition’ the first result on the listings is a snippet of information with this definition: A person whose dress or behavior seems strange or eccentric. Now I don’t know if I could be truly described of that meaning but then again who knows what my dress sense is perceived as. I’ve certainly been described as quirky and odd, even foreign (literally for foreign/odd looks, lovely) so I think I’m justifying why I can use the word. Truthfully, it’s a compliment really as different is… good… I think. And here is an ‘odd’ view I may portray and hold.
So as of quite recently and over the past few years I guess (but more so the last months that I can recall) I hear the question “Have you got a boyfriend?” which is a perfectly conversational question both for people who are genuinely interested when it comes to meeting someone or just for small talk purposes and are just merely interested. It’s the succeeding question that often crops up, after I’ve answered “no” which I should point out, that gets me. Again this can be just out of curiosity but a lot of times I see distorted expressions when saying it, (and I’m no behavioural psychologist but that portrays analytic intepretation of negativity and critique or unfathomable readings of my answer). To be fair they might not even really be intent on the perception they give. It’s the “why not?”, “and why’s that?”. Again some may ask in a genuinely friendly and curious way or when they are being maybe polite or flattering as if to be amazed. But it’s the overall impression of the fact people are concerned as to why one has no boyfriend/girlfriend. Like one should have one is the general consensus.
Which brings me to this. It’s like everyone around in life are always seeking a relationship and that the feel is that we should all be in one or indeed be searching for one for the near near future, whatever type that may be. It is like it is written to go out with somebody, see somebody and even as with any media focuses on, the obsession/reflection of the notion to ‘fall in love’. Most songs, films, stories, poems, the majority of art is subjected to it. It’s reflecting life after all, that’s what art does. The old sonnets of Shakespeare, love. Every boyband that has been and is and will be, sing about love. You can stretch as far as to say every artist. What do they all have in common? Selling. It sells. Don’t get me wrong, there are some beautiful art made from it. I do love a chick flick, mainly because I’m fascinated by their story, and I love hearing a song about a real artist’s expression of something in their life, a connection. This is why it sells… ‘love makes the world go round’ doesn’t it?
What is love? I’ve answered that in a previous post, simply put, it is a connection. So maybe I contradict myself when I say I don’t believe in it, as it is a word that describes something as I’ve stated but it’s that whole concept of it, the ‘falling in love’ that I don’t believe. It’s like a fantasy. If love is something that is so divine and heavenly then why do so many ‘lovers’ part and will never share that connection they had with each other again, like they can just disregard or ‘move on’. Reality hits. There are couples who have been married for decades, yes, but even they all have a common link, the perception is or rather it just is, they joke about deprecating one another. They even admit the faults and as sugar coated as they make out, it is showing the cracks of truth that all is not happy ever after and a fairytale. Every comedian when stating they’re married or talking about their partners, it’s always the same joke, how it is the antithesis of happiness. And they know they will always get laughter as it echoes the relatvity of the joker’s comic rant amongst people.
People aren’t perfect, they say and so there you go, nobody can ever find someone who is and who is for them. So then is that really love? I’m simply just questioning the answer what is already known in this world, of well yes, it must be. Maybe I’m a pessimist but then again a realist. Maybe it’s because I’ve never been in love, or have I? I just don’t like the notion of making someone dependent on your happiness as once they’re gone, and they will go (ok that is pessimism but so) then you’re allowing them to take that happiness, which explains ‘heartbreak’. By not allowing myself to fall in love (even the words connected are neagtive, ‘fall’ see, it’s like you’re setting yourself up, well down, but as humans you don’t see that) then I’m never going to be hurt.
So maybe I’m afraid then or I don’t know I just don’t think about it. All I know is, is why can’t we enjoy the company of someone without having to state ‘being in love’ or getting married as things end and that’s just the way it is. So then my logic-seeking mind is probably why I don’t seek a relationship. I’ve truly felt no urge for one, maybe when I was younger when feeling to conform, which sums it up there.
So I’ve said and do say another answer to the question “why not?” that “I don’t want one” and felt I’ll never have one but yet I’ve had two. It just has to be natural and I can’t deny I’m a people pleaser and it is nice to try and make someone happy especially when they see light in you when all you see is dark.
Yes, I’m insecure, self-deprecating as humourous as I try to be with it and that is a contributing factor but so is I guess my weird mindset. And as I’ve said to guys, I truly mean it that I won’t be good to be around and it hasn’t just been a blow off, I just start honestly stating why not which is just cool, I know. As I stand there lightly saying as flattered as I am, I basically tell them what they are saying or asking is not true. Which is quite funny and I bet they have never had that reaction before. Again I’m probably not normal, I can’t do this ‘dating seeing someone’ thing. My first boyfriend I didn’t even think it was a date but I guess it was but in my mind it was not and I’ve always said I’m one of the guys, we’ll be friends. That’s it, I like male company and things get spoilt when the label comes.
Without going on even more, to go back to the question and this infatuation of why you don’t have a boyfriend. As I’ve rambled, and will leave with this clip from a film that sums it up too, (even with my second boyfriend I said, see watch this), and funnily enough people questioned am I gay which makes me laugh just like Zooey Deschanel’s character, Summer is when she says she doesn’t have a boyfriend in (500) Days of Summer.
So yes, this film, this clip. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oxCQUSGOHgw